I'm not "single", I'm "independently owned and operated".
Cyberbilly
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I'm going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That's what I did."
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I'm telling mom”
If I ever die, I'm going to be so mad about all the times I ate kale.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Xyuppi
Poor alcohol. It gets blamed for everything.
Jon
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.