Insightful Statuses

I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check

I think my car horn should sound like gunshots..... I bet you'll move then.

Cashiers are always checking me out.

I'm willing to bet very few women would appreciate the humor of giving birth on Labor Day, ya know, at the time.

Until public restrooms have automatic doors, the automatic sinks, soap and paper towel dispenser will make no sense to me.

I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.

You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.