When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
I've had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven't grown any crops.
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Cyberbilly
On Dancing With the Tsars last night, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.
Cyberbilly
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".