When parents on Facebook post about how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"
People would better know what to expect if Tinder made you show your Driver's License photo!
The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don't want to talk.
#thedailyjeff
If swimming is such great cardio, explain manatees.
#thedailyjeff
Why are they called "hemorrhoids?" They should be called "asteroids"?
Cyberbilly
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I'm going to a different cafe.