It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
I wish my grades would smoke weed so they could get higher.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "No One," so when I try to add people, it will say, "No One wants to be your friend."
I can't understand why some people cry when chopping onions. Personally I find it better to not get emotionally attached .
If you ask Lebron James for a dollar he'll give you 75 cents, but he never gives you the 4th quarter.
If you play a Ke$ha song backwards, you hear messages from Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you hear Ke$ha.
Actual male human just asked if he could lick the bottom of my shoes. I mean, I know they're Charlotte Olympias but WHOA.