My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party. So I invited over all her friends and had them clean my house.
Hey, I don't snore! I just dream I'm a motorcycle...
I used to be addicted to working out. 10 years sober though!
“truth or dare” “Dare” “Order us pizza”
If my plants screamed for food and water like my dog does, maybe they wouldn't die.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, “I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?