Insightful Statuses

I was visited by a jolly fat guy over the holidays with a bag over his shoulder, no not Santa, my brother came home from college with his laundry

I lost my dog yesterday, i want to put up some ads and flyers but he cant even read!

I named my car "flattery" because it gets me no where.

Do receptionists at sperm banks ever say "Thanks for coming"?

Why won't cannibals eat divorcees? Way too bitter.

Why does tasty mean that a thing tastes good and smelly mean that a thing smells bad?

I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’