As a nation, we may be spending our children's money, but at my house, it's the other way around.
I don't know why I'm disappointed when I find out a celebrity crush is married. As if that was our only obstacle to being together.
Turkey, its all about dat baste, bout dat baste.
I think retail therapy should be covered by health insurance. It is therapy after all.
My wife told me a turducken was as close to a threesome as I’m ever going to get.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
You add about as much value as the "g" in lasagna.