Insightful Statuses

Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!

We only use leashes because dogs can’t hold hands

Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.

I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.