I Use To Give A Fuck Now I Give A Fuckless
You texted me, one time . . . this is about the time you text me again .
I can't believe I'm replacing sex with buying things. Not good
I just bought a 30pack of toothbrushes because it was on sale 4 $3.99, This is a sign of old age, WTF am I going 2 do with 30 tooth brushes
I don't mean to make you fall in love with me, but I just shaved my armpits. #heylaydeez
My Words With Friends game w/my mom always pops up when I'm 'mobile-masturbating.' It's like she knows??
Forget the “poke” button… I want a “Punch someone in the face so they know how dumb they really are” button.