I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used yet.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Amigo
You know you’re a bad driver when Siri tells you “after 400 feet stop and let me out”
Amigo
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger