Chatty kids always sound like they're reading from a book of Mad Libs.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
There's so much cleavage on Telemundo that my baby thinks it's The Food Network.
I'll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting terrified that their world is about to end.