If you're wondering about my cooking skills, I've been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Buddhists party hard 'cause YOL∞.
I fall sleep easier naked. Why can’t the flight attendants understand this?
Amigo
I don't know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all!
I drank so much vodka yesterday I woke up with a Russian accent
A tiny part of me hopes the guy on the Clif Bar wrapper falls.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexicаns!"