Michael Mendoza
A lot of kids were upset when they found out Santa was not real, I was more creeped out the fact my parents made me take a picture sitting on a strangers lap and kept it for years.
Me: 'I really can't stay'. Bed: 'But baby, it's cold outside'.
Chris Brown's next single will be released before he is.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.
The ending of Free Willy is awesome, unless you're a seal. Then it's basically like a serial killer jumping into your house.
Pretty soon you'll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."