I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.
I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."
I'm not anti-social, I'm selectively social. There's a difference.
Painting your entire face and body for an NFL game is an effective way to show team spirit and practice abstinence at the same time
"Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma." They must take that game way too seriously...
I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is my typical response when someone hands me their baby.