Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster so you can see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I've only got 40 pounds to go.
Dear Saturday, you and I have been friends for a long time. I wish you would come around more often. Once a week isn't enough.
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt. The doctor described his condition as stable.
The rest of the country calls it a "crime ring". In New England, it's called a "huddle".
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren't there.