Rob
I have heard that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I'd rather not have a job. So I went to the office barefoot in boxers and a t-shirt today. It worked!
A cop in Texas pulled over a gas tanker that was secretly carrying 2 tons of marijuana. How stupid! You can make way more money selling gas!
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
If you like the idea of social media but don't want to actually communicate with people, try LinkedIn.
Watching Netflix before going to bed is the adult equivalent of being read a bedtime story.
My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.