Remind me never to go swimming with Phil Collins.
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Okay let's be honest. The only thing worse than seeing a spider in your house, is losing a spider in your house.
I think it's good that these high school kids keep asking celebrities to be their prom dates. Let them learn early that life is disappointing.
Your mom jokes are old and stretched out. Just like your mom.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.