I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.
Sometimes, when I don't want my girlfriend to find something, I put it in her purse.
I wish my GPA looked like those gas prices
To all those that received a book from me as a Christmas present... they are due back at the library today.
The flu has totally gone viral.
Some people don't realize they're bad drivers because they can't see the signs.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent's dry cleaner.