You will know you're truly famous when you die and half of the population continues to believe you are somehow, somewhere, alive.
The only thing Google can't tell you is what you forgot that you wanted to look up.
I think we should start calling it "uncommon sense" for the sake of accuracy.
Nothing you can ever accomplish will make your parents any happier than the first time you slept through the night.
Go down a water slide while it isn't wet and you'll understand why foreplay is so important.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice
I wish someone would name a beer "The Mondays." That way whenever someone said they have a case of the Mondays it would be a good thing.