When in doubt, mumble.
Kim Kardashian's marriage was shorter than the line of trick or treaters at Casey Anthony's house.
I was lying in my bed, looking up at the starry night and thought, "Where the hell is my ceiling!?"
So I got up and made this chick breakfast this morning and instead of thanking me she ask me "how did you get in my house"
I don't understand banks. How they have chains on their pens, I'm trusting them with money so why don't they trust me with pens?
I got gas yesterday for $1.39! too bad it was only from taco bell.
Bill gates is so rich, that he thinks he can buy poverty from Africa.