Cyberbilly
Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a douche.
Cyberbilly
Instead of cleaning my house, I just watched an episode of Hoarders. Now I don't feel so bad.
Facebook is just like my refrigerator. I check it every 10 minutes and yet there's nothing new.
Sweater weather = the end of my diet.
I would call my coworkers complete idiots, but that would mean that they have actually completed something.
Man, I love Halloween. I can get free candy without going into a van!
That awkward moment when you realize, that adding "that awkward moment when you realize" before a random statement doesn't make you seem any more clever, witty, or profound.