Insightful Statuses

Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"

You know you've won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."

New camo condoms! She'll never see you coming again.

Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.

If you can't use your turn signals, you should not be trusted with the rest of the car either.

I've been avoiding exercise for a long time now. You might say I'm in the Fitness Protection Program.

My wife and I do it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.