The saying "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away" is such a lie! If you have braces and eat an apple, you end up at the dentist the next day 'cause of a broken bracket.
Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
Starbucks at 8am closely resembles the waiting room at a methadone clinic.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Before Drake started saying YOLO did you guys think you could live twice or something?
Michael Mendoza
First Michael Jackson, then Neil Armstrong?! Something telling me god is not a fan of moon walkers.
Cyberbilly
I have a certain way with words. You might say I'm a cunning linguist.