There should be an eject button in my car for people who touch my perfectly positioned vents.
I was eating my daily apple and a doctor walked right up to me... My whole life has been a lie.
I stopped believing for just a few minutes. Now Journey is all pissed at me.
If someone's Facebook picture is a car, should I assume that they are a transformer?
I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.
My wife opened a nice bottle of wine last night to let it breathe, but it wasn't, so I gave it mouth-to-mouth.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.