Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice!
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Asked a friend for a newspaper. He told me to get with the times, and handed me his iPad. That fly never saw it coming!
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, someone is gonna have Snooki as their mom.
Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person says: hi
If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit end on a call, I would all have no friends.