Dave Asten
Girls always ask how I know what phone they have when they've never even told me. I don't think they remember the fact that it's always in their profile pictures with them...
It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliant paintings of tunnels
Don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. Unless he wears Crocs. Then, feel free to judge all you want....
I feel lazier than the guy who designed the Japanese flag
Cyberbilly
Memo to self: Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you've Gone Commando a few times in your life.
Cyberbilly
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when the crook gave up and threw the gun at him?
Sometimes, the best kind of birth control is just good lighting.