I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that.
Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Autocorrect - What drunk people use to sound sober, and what sober people use to sound drunk.
Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.