Whenever I'm sad and think that I haven't made much of my life, I go to Wal-Mart.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.
"When the hell did i say all that?" -Simon
Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
You know I never gave a second thought about the Mayan calendar being correct about the end of the world, but since Dick Clark died who the hell is going to host Rockin' New Years Eve?
Technology needs to hurry up, so I can unsubscribe to people in real life.
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.