I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Dear MTV, WTF happened? Sincerely, Music.
I don't trip. I freestyle walk.
Any psychic who dies from anything other than old age sucks.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Hypochondriac: a person who’s determined to get their money’s worth out of a health insurance policy.
I would rather get naked and do jumping jacks in public than show any literate person my Google search history.