To PETA, Hamburger Helper is just an accessory to murder.
The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable.
The first five minutes gym class was brutal. It turns out the first five minutes gym class was only stretching.
I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots. People get out of my way a lot faster now.
Beware of websites and women that ask you to continue unprotected.
Some jerk parked in front of my driveway last night. So I decided to leave him a note. I didn't have a pen, so I had to use my key
My wife's phone's space button is broken and she text me phonebrokenIwantanalternate I'm excited, but what is a ternate?