I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
Puns are like farts. Secretly, we all love the really bad ones.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but my boss is determined to keep trying.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you!
My new voicemail: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
As a kid I was less concerned about Goldilock's safety than I was about Mama and Papa bear not sleeping in the same bed anymore.