They say there are plenty more fish in the sea... but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
If Twitter's taught me anything it's that anyone who says they want to sleep with me is probably a spambot.
Whenever somebody tells me a knock-knock joke, I sit there quietly and pretend that I'm not home until they leave.
It's so annoying when I'm about to take a great photo and somebody calls my camera.
I smashed open my piggy bank earlier. I've got just about enough in it to buy a new piggy bank.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
To the disabled man who stole my camouflage suit...you can hide, but you can't run.