The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
My body is a work of art. Picasso was an artist, right?
I almost got raped in jail... My family takes monopoly way to serious
When you eat the entire frozen pizza by yourself, the slogan changes to “It’s not delivery, it’s depression.”
You know it was an awesome party when you can't figure out why there's a footprint on your ceiling.
Time to start practicing that fake enthusiasm for when you get a present you didn’t want.
I let my imagination run wild! That way at least some part of me gets some exercise.