Didn't get much sleep last night, so this morning I put Red Bull in my coffee maker instead of water. Now I can see noises.
"Kiss me," she said, "kiss me like you've never kissed me before." So I stuck my tongue in her nostril.
Some girls are tan and others look like they went face first into a bag of Cheetos.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
¡ʇɥbıɹןɐ buıʞɹoʍ sı buıɥʇnɹǝʌǝ 'ʎɹɹoʍ ʇ,uop ˙ɹooןɟ ǝɥʇ uo doʇdɐן ʎɯ pǝddoɹp ı
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.