Saw a baby so that ugly it looked like Godzilla. It was a face only a Mothra could love.
Alcohol - The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance "medicine"
I'm sorry, Siri, but if I wanted my phone to talk to me I would answer my calls.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio
It's not an ABC Family show until someone gets pregnant.
I love the grocery store. It's the one place where someone always ends up checking me out.
I've been sober for seventeen days. Just not all in a row.