In a thousand or so years, archaeologists are going to dig up tanning beds and think we cooked people as punishment.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
I have sexdaily! Crap, I mean dyslexia.
No one was donating money to the child cancer fund at work so I changed the sign to "Robot Shark Research." Little Billy's gonna make it.
What do caps lock and prison have in common? They can make your "o" into an "O"
My dog ate a condom yesterday. Now try explaining THAT to the vet as it's hanging halfway out of his butt!
Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin.