Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. Ok, fine, mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
Hacked into my boyfriend's email. He told his friend some crazy girl is obsessed with him. No mention of a name unfortunately.
When it comes time for me to be reincarnated, I hope they forget all those times I wished I were a fly on the wall.
Got the title for my Keanu Reeves biography: "Whoa! Is Me"
I think I'm going to learn how to play ukulele because I'm not nearly annoying enough.