You're having a bad day when the playful and happy phrase; "Pull my finger," is followed by the horrified shriek; "Oh my god, get a towel!"
I think I might be an amazing pro baseball player stuck in the body of a chubby Internet dork.
I don’t think I have a problem!” is the only response to anyone suggesting you might have one.
Fact: Heat makes objects expand. So there you have it, I'm not overweight, I'm just overheated.
Do NFL players have "fantasy office worker leagues"?
Believe me, I HATE littering. But I do it anyway because I might be providing a Hermit Crab his dream home.
Sitting at a wake and really wishing I had taken ventriloquism lessons at some point in life.