Thinking about moving to London so my other arm will get a tan too.
My main job as a husband is to taste things that my wife thinks taste like they've gone bad and tell her if they taste bad.
What kind of sick bastard figured out that you can make a cake out of carrots?
Smokey the Bear says that only you can prevent forest fires. Don't know which one of you he's talking to, but your doing a crappy job so far
If anyone thinks Ramen noodles and Ritz crackers constitute a meal, then yeah, I'm totally a chef.
When I see people with big spaces in their teeth I think of all the different things they could stick between them.
Those Blue Man guys need to find women. I didn’t realize it could spread like that.