Man: A creature made at the end of the workweek when God was tired.
I bet if a bike helmet and a condom met at a cocktail party they'd instantly become friends. "We're good ideas. Why does no one like us?"
I bet if Bigfoot and Waldo ever tried to play hide-and-seek, the world would explode.
Shouldn't cow udders be called moobs?
It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.
Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
Actions speak louder than words but no one understood my interpretive dance and I had to get the salt shaker myself.