They only call them yoga pants because watch netflix instant and eat leftovers pants was too long
I bet a lot of people die when there's a fire in China. They don't exactly have the best drill.
My boyfriend got really excited when I brought handcuffs into the bedroom but after 3 weeks shackled to the bedpost the novelty has faded.
Me: Crazy retweets just now! Mom: What are those? Me: Someone tweeting my stuff to their followers. Mom: Ask for a ReJobResume...
What if God had created barbecue sauce on the fourth day? Do you think Adam's rib would have become Eve or lunch instead?
I really need a nephew so I have an excuse to watch Sesame Street and play with these Ninja Turtles.
Getting run over by a truck hauling organic food will be the closest I get to dying of natural causes.