Thanks to the Statue of Liberty there's at least a dozen French dudes who's greatest life achievement was making a giant copper toenail.
I'm thinking about bottling my own urine and selling it. I'll call it "I Can't Believe It's Not Bud Light."
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.
I hope there is a god and his actually name is Gosh so all those people trying not to swear go straight to heck when they die.
I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'
Voldemort: the original loser of the "got your nose" game.
The heaviest thing at the gym tonight was the irony of Chris Brown blaring during the women's kickboxing class.