This will probably be the St Patrick's Day with the least DUI's ever.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks ago and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.
The best thing about wanting a chameleon as a pet is that you may already have one.
ZYuppi
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
Xyuppi
The only difference between the New Matrix movie and the old ones is that the Red & Blue pills are now suppositories
Me: I can do whatever I want through Christ who strengthens me Attorney: ok but again, as your lawyer I strongly advise you to not say that in court
The problem with daylight savings time is around midnight you start to feel like you're struggling to stay awake before you realize it's only 7:00 p.m.