I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said "I can't complain."
Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress? Explains a lot doesn't it?
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Hangovers are nature's way of grounding you as an adult.
Robert Ryder
I was feeling pretty good about myself today at the gym as I caught a few folks glancing my way, I thought, even though I’m pushing 40 I can still turn a few heads....but then I realized they were mostly just trying to see where the smell is coming from.
Robert Zunick
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Cyberbilly
I got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-Eleven last night. I Hope I don't catch Slurpees.