Some days you just have to fill the tub with Skittles and pretend to be Godzilla in a ball pit.
If we're not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
The weather is such a slut. The wind blows everyone, the rain makes everyone wet, the sun makes everyone take their clothes off, and the snow covers everyone in white stuff.
A girl called me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over...Nobody was home
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Every time I hear "rock a bye baby" I wonder what the hell a baby was doing on a treetop in the first place.
User343
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.