The pool in my yard is safe for swimming again. There's no way the snakes could survive the amount of gasoline I dumped in.
I'm not worse at typing texts when drunk than normal, but the errors amuse me so much more that I send them anyway.
I bet the YMCA dance is a lot harder to do in Chinese
"I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others"- The phrase that started Facebook
There are no weather conditions where simultaneously wearing shorts and Uggs is acceptable or appropriate.
If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, someone is gonna have Snooki as their mom.
If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else.