I asked my cable company for a window of time when the repair guy would show up. Apparently it’ll be sometime during the Cenozoic era.
Never go to bed angry with your spouse. Lay awake and plot revenge instead.
You know, Alanis Morissette could probably just trade one or two of her spoons for a knife if she really needs one.
You know you're ghetto when the sorting hat puts you in Waffle House.
The present-day leading cause of cancer is WebMD's symptom checker.
According to new research, too much sex can cause temporary amnesia. Finally, something that explains my photographic memory.
Earthquakes are just God listening to Hey Ya.