I don't know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyways.
Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much more effective if every 10th caller was a winner.
iTunes has it all wrong, I'm the hottest single of the year.
Cyberbilly
Remember: Butt Dial and Booty Call are two entirely different things.
Cyberbilly
For all the women who say "All men are the same.": Who told you to try them all?
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It's the bottom of Beethoven's 9th, and the bassists are loaded.