If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don't: technically, you did
The only time I've ever early to anything is when I'm dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Cyberbilly
Letting your date use your phone charger, even though you're at 25%, is the 21st century equivalent of putting your coat over a puddle.
Lag
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Xyuppi
In high school, I wasn't the class clown. I was the class trapeze artist, because I was always suspended.
Xyuppi
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
If there's one thing I've learned hiking, it's the early bird gets the face full of spider webs